“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” — Carrie Fisher
If you’re in recovery, you’re no stranger to the fact that the journey goes far beyond just staying sober. It’s an emotional rollercoaster where you work on your mental, emotional, and spiritual health. One of the biggest hurdles many face along the way is resentment—that nagging feeling of anger or bitterness that can eat away at you if left unchecked. Resentment may seem like a small thing, but in recovery, it can be a game-changer—in a bad way.
Resentments in recovery are a huge threat. They keep you stuck in the past, prevent you from fully embracing sobriety, and in some cases, they can even trigger relapse. Fortunately, there are ways to handle resentment, and today we’re diving into some powerful tools to help you release those negative emotions and move forward. We’re talking about journaling, using the AA Resentment Prayer, and gaining wisdom from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Let’s break it down, and get you on the road to freedom!
What’s the Difference Between Hate and Resentment?
Understanding Resentments in Recovery
Before diving into how to deal with resentment, it’s important to understand what it actually is. Resentment and hate often get lumped together, but they aren’t quite the same thing.
Hate is a sharp, intense feeling that comes on strong and tends to be more obvious. Think of it as an emotional explosion. On the other hand, resentment is more like a slow burn. It’s not as explosive, but it lingers, quietly poisoning your thoughts and emotions. Over time, it builds, and it can cause just as much, if not more, damage than hate.
In the context of recovery, resentment is a silent enemy. It can keep you stuck in anger and prevent you from letting go of the past. You may not even realize you’re harboring resentment until it shows up in unhealthy ways—like irritability, withdrawal, or even cravings for old substances.
For more information on how resentments can sneak up on you, be sure to check out our guide on emotional sobriety.
Resentments in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
What the Big Book Teaches Us About Resentment
If you’re working through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you’ve probably encountered the concept of resentment in the Big Book. It’s mentioned in several places, but perhaps the most significant is in Step 4 and Step 10.
According to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, resentment is the number one offender when it comes to relapse. In fact, the book states that “resentment is the ‘number one’ offender—it destroys more alcoholics than anything else.”
Here’s why it’s so dangerous: resentment clouds your ability to think clearly and prevents you from achieving emotional sobriety. If you’re holding onto a grudge, you’re basically giving that person or event the power to control your emotions, even though they may not be in your life anymore.
So how does the Big Book recommend handling resentment? Step 4 suggests that you do a thorough moral inventory of yourself. This includes identifying any resentments you’re holding onto—big or small. It helps you understand where your anger is coming from, so you can work through it.
For a deeper dive into how the Big Book addresses resentments in recovery, check out our full article on acceptance in AA.
The Power of a Resentment Journal in Recovery
How Keeping a Resentment Journal Can Help
One of the best ways to deal with resentments in recovery is by journaling. Yes, journaling! This may sound simple, but it’s a powerful tool that many people in recovery use to process their emotions. The process of writing down your thoughts helps you get out of your head and gain perspective on the situation.
When you keep a resentment journal, you can start to identify patterns—what triggers your anger, who you’re resenting, and how that resentment is affecting your sobriety. A resentment journal isn’t just about venting. It’s about understanding why you feel the way you do and taking steps to let go of the anger.
Here’s how you can get started with your own resentment journal:
- Write down the situation that’s causing you resentment.
- Describe how it made you feel (hurt, angry, betrayed, etc.).
- Reflect on why you’re still holding onto it. Is it because the other person wronged you? Or is it more about your own expectations?
- Look for patterns—are there common triggers?
- Make a commitment to release the resentment. You can also write about how you plan to let it go.
Journaling helps you process your emotions and turn them into action. If you want more tips on journaling for sobriety, check out our article on relapse prevention.
Using the AA Resentment Prayer to Let Go of Anger
How the AA Resentment Prayer Works
Another key tool in releasing resentment is using the AA Resentment Prayer. The beauty of this prayer lies in its simplicity and power. It’s designed to help you let go of anger and forgive others—even when it feels impossible.
Here’s how the AA Resentment Prayer goes:
“God, remove my resentments and help me release this anger. Give me the strength to forgive, and bring peace to my heart.”
This prayer allows you to surrender your resentments to a higher power, helping you shift the emotional burden off your shoulders. The more you practice saying this prayer, the more peace you can bring into your life.
For deeper spiritual healing, the AA Resentment Prayer can be paired with daily affirmations of forgiveness and gratitude.
If you’re curious about how this prayer fits into your journey, check out our guide on the Serenity Prayer.
How Resentments Block Your Recovery and What You Can Do About It
Resentments as an Emotional Block
Let’s face it—resentments are emotional blockages. They stop you from experiencing the joy, peace, and freedom that sobriety offers. Holding onto resentment keeps you emotionally stuck, which in turn can make you more vulnerable to relapse. The more you bottle up anger, the more it festers inside of you.
But here’s the good news: You can break through those emotional blocks with a few key strategies.
Steps to Overcome Resentment in Recovery
- Acknowledge Your Resentments: Start by acknowledging the resentment. Denying it or pretending it doesn’t exist only makes it stronger.
- Use a Resentment Journal: Journal about your feelings to understand why you’re holding onto these emotions.
- Pray for Release: Use the AA Resentment Prayer to let go of the emotional weight you’re carrying.
- Work Through the Steps: Steps 4 and 10 in AA are crucial for identifying and addressing resentments.
- Practice Forgiveness: Forgiveness isn’t about excusing bad behavior. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional chains of resentment.
For more on overcoming emotional barriers in recovery, check out our article on 90 days sober.
5 Ways to Forgive Someone Who Wronged You in Resentment
Forgiveness, especially when you’re in recovery, can feel like a heavy lift. But holding onto resentment only keeps you stuck. Letting go of those grudges is like releasing a weight off your shoulders. So, if you’re struggling with forgiveness, here are five simple, yet powerful ways to start the process:
1. Own Your Feelings
First things first—don’t hide how you feel. If you’re angry or hurt, it’s okay to admit it. Ignoring those emotions doesn’t help. Acknowledge them, sit with them for a bit, and then get ready to release them.
2. Change How You See It
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re saying what they did was okay. But it does mean you’re no longer letting their actions control your peace. Try to look at things from their perspective. People mess up, and sometimes their actions are about their own pain, not yours.
3. Forgive Yourself First
Here’s a secret: before you can forgive anyone else, you’ve got to forgive yourself. If you’re carrying guilt or shame, it makes it harder to release anger toward others. Be kind to yourself and remember—you’re not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior.
4. Try the AA Resentment Prayer
The AA Resentment Prayer is a game-changer. It helps you let go of grudges by handing it over to something bigger than you. Saying it regularly can help clear emotional blocks and create space for peace.
5. Let Go of Expectations
Waiting for an apology? That’s a trap. Sometimes people will never apologize, and that’s on them, not you. True forgiveness means freeing yourself from the need for closure from them and finding peace on your own.
Forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done deal—it’s a process. So take it one day at a time. Be patient with yourself and know that you’re doing the work to heal. If it gets tough, don’t hesitate to reach out to a sponsor or counselor—they’ve been there.
Conclusion: Letting Go of Resentments for a Healthier Recovery
Releasing resentments in recovery is vital for achieving emotional and spiritual peace. By using tools like journaling, the AA Resentment Prayer, and working through the 12 steps, you can start to clear the emotional fog and embrace your sobriety fully.
Remember, it’s not about forgetting or excusing past hurts—it’s about freeing yourself from their power over you. So, take action today. Start by journaling, saying the AA Resentment Prayer, and reflecting on the teachings in the Big Book.
Your emotional sobriety is within reach, and you’re not alone in this journey. Don’t let resentments rob you of the peace and freedom you deserve.
FAQs
- How do I know if I have a resentment?
If you feel irritation, anger, or frustration when thinking about a person or situation, it’s a good sign that resentment may be present. - Can resentment really cause relapse?
Yes! Holding onto resentment can trigger emotional distress, leading to a relapse. It’s crucial to address resentments as soon as they arise. - What if I can’t forgive someone who hurt me?
Forgiveness is a process. Start small—try to forgive one thing at a time, and use tools like journaling and prayer to help guide you. - How can I release resentment if it’s deeply rooted?
Deep-rooted resentment often requires patience and persistence. Working with a sponsor, therapist, or support group can help guide you through this process. - How does journaling help with recovery?
Journaling helps you externalize your emotions, identify triggers, and gain clarity on your feelings. It’s a powerful tool for emotional healing.
More Help
