Healing from the Pain of Expectations: Hope Over Expectation

Why do expectations in relationships cause pain?

Every human being has some expectations in his mind, but when we keep our expectations without telling others, we often get disappointment. For example, we often expect from our partner that he will always understand without telling. If this expectation is not fulfilled, there is an emotional gap and pain. We often expect perfection from our partner or friends, but no one is perfect.

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New thinking: Leave expectations

In my view, one should not have expectations, whether it is in a relationship or for work. When we expect that my wife should talk to me lovingly or my children should listen to me, then we hurt ourselves. Even in friendship, when we expect that if I have helped then he will also help me, then it is not an expectation but it becomes a business.

I do not have expectations because expectations always hurt. If we attach ourselves to a particular result and that result does not come, we are always disappointed. Therefore, I only fulfill my responsibility without expecting any result. If I expected that he will help me in return for my help and he did not, I would be hurt. Everyone has his own unique style and nature, and we should understand that not everyone will listen to us or think like us.

Instead, we can keep hope. There is a big difference between hope and expectation. Hope is always open-minded and flexible. If hope is fulfilled then it is good, and if it is not, we still live in peace.

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How to manage the pain of expectations?

If expectations are not met, it is natural to experience emotional pain. But there are a few steps you can take to deal with it:

Understand your expectations

First, it is important to understand what you are expecting. Having expectations without understanding invites disappointments.

Talk openly

If you are expecting something, discuss it openly with your partner, friend, or colleague.

Set realistic expectations

Not every expectation is realistic. Keep a practical thinking and understand that some things are not possible.

Understand the limitations of others

Not everyone is perfect. Learn to understand and forgive.

Difference between Hope and Expectation

There is a major difference between hope and expectation. Hope is flexible while expectation is rigid and result-related. When I hope for something, I keep myself open-minded. If the result comes as per my expectation then it is fine; if it does not come, then also I remain in peace.

If I have been doing some work for 3 months, then I just hope, but if it does not give result then also I am happy. Maybe there is some other work for me or God wants to show me some other way. By keeping hope, we keep our thinking broader and flexible.

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How to let go of unrealistic expectations?

Unrealistic expectations cause disappointment. It is important to let go of them:

Identify unrealistic expectations

Is your expectation really realistic? Think and understand.

Focus on what is within your control

You cannot control the actions of others. Focus on what is within your control.

Practice acceptance

Accept people the way they are. Acceptance improves relationships and reduces pain.

How to handle disappointment?

When expectations are not met, disappointment occurs. There are a few ways to cope with this:

Reframe

Don’t look at unmet expectations as a failure, but rather as a learning opportunity.

Feel your emotions

Feel your grief; don’t deny it.

Look at the big picture

Often small disappointments don’t have a big impact on a relationship. Focus on the big picture.

Final Thoughts

Expectations are a part of every human being, but when these expectations are out of our control, it causes pain and suffering. Instead of expectations, if we adopt hope, life can be more peaceful and balanced. Letting go of expectations is not easy, but it is essential to improve your mental health and relationships. Hope always keeps us open-minded, and even when we don’t like the result, we can still find new ways and adjust our goals. Instead of expectations, by keeping hope, we get more peace and happiness.